Characters

Main Characters

 * Dan
 * Chris
 * Elise
 * Mr. Mumbles

Recurring Side Characters

 * Elise Sr.
 * Don
 * Ben
 * Impostor Dan
 * Crunchy
 * Ninja Dave
 * Wally
 * Hortence Burger
 * Madame Zelda
 * Eagle's Nest
 * Jeremiah Burger
 * Paramedics
 * Police Captain
 * Police Officer
 * Librarian
 * Hobo
 * Mr. Zimmerman

One Off Characters

 * Hydrogen Trucker
 * Trick or Treaters
 * Neolithic Indigenous Zombies
 * Dr. Pullum
 * Dentist Assistant
 * Fake Doctor
 * Goose Man
 * Soccer Boy
 * Soccer Mom
 * Hobo 2
 * Normal People
 * Canadians
 * Sweep Guards
 * Border Guard
 * Great Great Grandfather Pearson
 * Great Grandfather Pearson
 * Great Great Grandmother Pearson
 * Skip
 * Yeti Pearson
 * Helicopter Hal
 * Traffic Cop
 * Old People
 * Shepherd
 * Theatre Owners
 * Tye
 * Theatre Chefs
 * Theatre Custodian
 * Head Theatre Actor
 * Pink Shirted Theatre Actor
 * Dinner Theatre Waiter
 * Ball Chasers
 * Baseball Guards
 * Counterfeit Ticket Dealer
 * The Rowdy Fans
 * Riot Control
 * District of Columbia Newscaster
 * Baseball Players
 * Baseball Pitcher
 * Baseball Catcher
 * Innocent Women
 * DC Hot Dog Man
 * Baseball Announcer
 * Ballboy Manager
 * Commissioner's Aide
 * Commissioner of Baseball


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Fictional Characters

 * The Road Runner
 * Sgt. Saskatchewan
 * Population Control Johnny

Organizations

 * Shadow Quasi-Government
 * Balloonist Cult
 * The Koshugi Clan
 * Hockey Team
 * Québécois Extremists
 * Spetsgruppa