Lifeguard

I'm the King

The Lifeguard is a large white man, head lifeguard of LA Beach, and the main antagonist of The Beach. Despite his official duty being to protect the people of the beach(guard lives) he seems instead to be far more in it for the title and women. During the episode, he spends a majority of time hitting on woman. He also displays a borderline narcissistic love of his title, declaring himself "The King of the Beach", and spending a large sum of time enforcing his vision of how the beach should be run.

Events of The Beach

The Lifeguard first appears early in the episode, using his power to force people to behave how he feels they should on the beach. He immediately gets into conflict with Dan, who refuses to enjoy the beach. He fails to understand, instead simply listing all the things he enjoys about the beach (Sand, fresh sea air, women) and bragging about his own power, even briefly breaking out into a narcissistic rant before being distracted by the sight of Elise's butt.

He spends most of the reminder of the episode trying to impress Elise(and thusly ignoring Dan's various acts of attempted sabotage, such as the giant shark he smuggles into the water or the barge hijacking) He attempts to build an impressive sand castle(which Elise laughs off, saying "Seriously, THAT'S your A-game?") before apparently giving up. Despite this, Chris spends most of the episode under the false impression he's in serious danger of losing Elise to him, and it's his primary motivation when escaping the Evil Penguin Island.

At the end of the episode, The Lifeguard (still working on perfecting his sand castle he started earlier) is crushed by a mountain of low-level radioactive waste from the barge Dan hijacked. He manages to make an announcement the beach is closed, before passing out(Likely due to a concussion from the impact, though unseen blood loss and radiation exposure are also possibilitys).

Trivia

• His portrayal as a narcissistic womanizer is based off of the wave of shows featuring lifeguards in such a role from the early 80s to early 2000s, such as Miami Vice, Hawaii 5-O, and most notably Baywatch.
• In a hallucination Chris has during their last attempt to escape the island, he successfully woos Elise into leaving Chris.
• Despite all this, he is able to set aside his pride and close the beach when it is clearly ruined beyond mending.
• He is never seen again after the episode. While not immediately fatal, prolonged exposure to such large amounts of low level waste(contaminated building materials, old shells and hulls, contaminated clothing), especially with no shirt on, would result in serious health effects.

Gallery

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  Show me sex appeal, get on your hands and knees!

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  Whoah mama

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  So, you're a little smart for my tastes, but I know a guy who can-

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  I Shouldn't Be Alive: Episode 69, Beach of Hell

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  Do you taste metal?