Dan VS. New Mexico
"Dan Vs. New Mexico" is a Dan Vs. episode from Season Two. In this episode, Dan swears revenge on the entire state of New Mexico after a series of events that are loosely connected to New Mexico misfortune him.
Chris Pearson (debut)
Elise Pearson (debut)
Unnamed adulterer (debut)
Balloonist Cult (debut)
Don (flashback, non-speaking)
Elise Senior (flashback, non-speaking)
Hydrogen Trucker (debut)
Unnamed virgin (debut)
Ted (written on Dan's list)
Dan wakes up, proclaiming that the day will be a good one, only to eat his words when he sits up and hits his swinging ceiling fan a few times. When he goes to stand up off his bed, he steps on a burrito. He then stubs his toe twice, (almost a third time, until he catches himself, commenting that 'he learns.' There's a armadillo in his Caso Pasadina apartment where he lives. He goes outside of his apartment, trips over the armadillo that got out of his apartment, and consequently falls down a flight of stairs, going over the railing where the stair turn to a different different direction, and lands in front of his car. He stands back up to see that his car has a broken window. He sees cactus needles and red dirt around his car. The last straw is when he finds a postcard for New Mexico on the seat next to the broken window. This is when he declares war on New Mexico.
He calls up his friend, Chris, for information on New Mexico and for its weakness, wanting to know how to "hurt" the state. Alas, the internet didn't have the information that Dan desired, so Dan and Chris go to a library. In the library Dan caused a scene because Chris tried to quiet him down, getting them both thrown out of the library, and forcing them to go to a different library. At the second library, Dan and Chris find out that a librarian working there has a vandetta against a customer that frequently visits the library. It turns out that the guy the librarian hates is dating his wife. The Librarian agreed to help Dan and Chris with their New Mexico problem, only if they help him with getting revenge on the guy dating his wife. Dan and Chris discuss on conventions of revenge as the guy they were asked to deal with gets hit by a bus. Ecstatic with this, the Librarian agrees to help them get information on how to "hurt" New Mexico. He points out the annual air-balloon festival. If Dan can sabotage the festival, he'll be successful in hurting New Mexico.
Dan and Chris leave the library and proceed to go to New Mexico after getting infomation of the festival. It turns out, however, that Dan isn't the only one with a vandetta against the state of New Mexico, because Elise, Chris' wife, also has a grudge against New Mexico. She comes along with Dan initially complaining. She doesn't tell why, but she has a flashback to when she was a kid visiting the New Mexico State Fair, where she got attacked by a flock of roadrunners, and one of them stole her cotton candy.
While in Arizona, they stop at a gas station. While out of the car, Dan gets hit by something being blown around the wind. He writes down the state of Arizona to his revenge list. After getting gas, they drive off, continuing the drive to New Mexico.
When they reach the state of destination, New Mexico, Elise asks Chris to drop her off at Roswell. Afterwards, Chris continues to drive. Dan and Chris get into a fight revolving around a bag of peanuts. While distracted, Chris run over a roadrunner. Dan and Chris eat the roadrunner, until Dan kicks it to the ground, complaining about the lack of ketchup.
Dan and Chris' next stop is at a diner. Dan waits for a truck full of liquid nitrogen to pull up to the diner. Dan confronts the truck driver. When he doesn't do what Dan wants, Dan and Chris wrestle with them (which is what the truck driver told them to do if they wanted the liquid nitrogen.) Dan and Chris proceed to drive to the site of the air-balloon festival. Dan proceeds to fill all the air-balloons with liquid nitrogen. He also tells Chris about the rituals ran by the balloonists. While they were doing that, Elise snuck into Area 51.
Dan interrupted the balloonists' ritual by exploding the air-balloons. The balloonists surround Dan and Chris. They are successful in knocking out Chris, and were going to go after Dan, until Elise arrived in the spaceship that stole, and picked up Dan and Chris. Elise proceeds to carry out a massacre in a town in New Mexico before they head back to California.
They drive home the next day. Elise is driving, Dan is in the passenger's seat, and Chris is sleeping on the back seat. Chris had sleep through all of the attack on New Mexico. When he woke up he asked what happened. Dan proclaims that they blew up all of the balloonists' air-balloons. Elise backs him up Chris accepts the explanation, and falls back to sleep, falling out of the car and miraculously not waking up in the process. Upon seeing this, Dan giggles and comments, "Bye Chris," making Elise respond, "What?". They drive off leaving Chris behind. The episode ends with Chris being surrounded by roadrunners
- This episode was aired on the same day as "Dan Vs. the Wolf Man", making this show technically have two pilots.
- In 1947, it is believed that a spaceship crashed in Roswell
- There are air-balloon festivals run in Albequerque. No rituals, however, are held.
- The Dewey Decimal, a way books are organized in libraries, get mentioned in this episode.
- Dan thought that Chris killed a celebrity when they ran over that one roadrunner. This is a reference to Looney Toons.
- Dan steps on a burrito from a "New Mexico Bell". This may be a reference to Taco Bell.
- As they entered New Mexico, you can see a sign that says "Welcome to New Mexico". Underneath it says, "Go home, Dan".
- You used to be able to see Dan, Chris, Elise, Elise's Parents, Crunchy, and even Mr. Mumbles' library card on hubworld.com.
(When we're at that point)